It is my holy obligation to go to Catholic mass every single Sunday. Just because I have young kids, I am not exempt from this and in fact, they should be going too. So we go, pretty much every single Sunday.
It has required some work and repetition to get my two kids ages two and under to be able to behave for 60 minutes every Sunday, especially since our church does not have a cry room. But, if I would say so myself, my kids do pretty well in mass.
Over the past two and a half years of taking my oldest child and then our second child to church pretty much every Sunday, I have learned some tips and tricks to get my children to behave and in some cases even participate in the mass. Of course, we still have some weeks where they both make some noise or some days where they don’t behave at all, but I will also share what I do in these situations.
No one is perfect, especially not a learning child, so I don’t worry too much if my kids make a little noise, especially if it is happy noises. Our priest has said “if your church isn’t crying, it’s dying” because these babies and toddlers are the future of the church. They deserve to go to mass and learn and should not be expected to behave like adults for 60 minutes.
I have created a list of a few things I do and have done in the past to get my children to behave and enjoy mass. I hope you can try some of these for yourself to see if they work for you and your family.
Let’s get into it!
- We go every single Sunday
I have listed this first because I feel like it is the most important tip to just go! I could just sit at home and mope and say I could never get my kids to sit still and quiet for 60 minutes or I could just go and try! You never know until you try it.
My kids thrive off of routine and repetition. Since we have gone to mass almost every single Sunday of their lives, they know what to expect and for the most part even know what we expect of them. If we were to only go every now and then, I can’t expect my child to know how to behave in that situation. They would not be familiar with what is going on and they would not learn to stay quiet.
I believe the repetition of going every week and reminding them to stay quiet has helped them behave so well in church. They have to go through experiences to learn and we give our children the opportunity to learn to stay quiet by going to mass every week.
- Prepare them for mass while getting ready and driving there
Every week when we are getting ready for mass, we talk about where we are going and how important it is. I dress my children in their nicest clothes for church. Since I have boys, they are almost always wearing a collared or button shirt and nice shorts or pants, even the baby! We also comb our 2-year-old’s hair and sometimes use gel. I feel like taking this extra step to have the children look nice while we celebrate the mass makes it seem extra special and important to our children.
On the drive over to church, we always say where we are going and remind our kids that we have to behave and stay quiet during mass. We believe this helps them mentally prepare and know where we are going and what is going to happen while we are there.
We actually do this most of the time we are in the car no matter where we are going. I usually start the drive by asking, “Where are we going?” Most of the time my 2-year-old can answer the question himself or I answer it if he doesn’t know or remember. Then, we tell them what to expect while we are there and how we expect them to behave, no matter where we are going.
I know my children are young, but they comprehend more than you might realize. I don’t expect my 9 month old baby to understand what I am saying when we do this, it is mostly for my two year old, but it is a habit I have formed and I feel like it has helped my children’s behavior no matter where we are going.
- Leave baby in car seat as long as we can
As we have gone to mass with two kids the past 9 months, we have brought the baby into mass in the car seat pretty much every week. We did this with our first born, as well. Most of the time, especially in the newborn phase, our baby would sleep through pretty much the whole mass in the car seat. He would need to be taken out every now and then, but for the most part he would sleep.
Bringing the baby in the car seat gives him a place to be keeping me hands-free for as long as he’ll stay in there peacefully. Due to my husband’s work schedule, he is only able to go with us about every other Sunday. Luckily we have our extended family we sit with if I ever need help with the kids. But, being able to be hands-free as long as I can helps me out especially when I’m alone. However, once the baby wants to come out, I take him out. As he has gotten older, his time in the car seat has gotten shorter and shorter.
Now that he is 9 months (and over 20 pounds!), I can’t easily carry him in the car seat anymore. I only leave him in there if he is asleep when we arrive so he can stay soundly sleeping in there as long as possible. But, we have started carrying him in without the car seat as he has gotten bigger and more mobile. He does not like to be contained by his car seat anymore!
- Bring books, soft toys, and snacks!
As our first born quickly moved from the baby phase to the toddler phase, and our baby is quickly approaching as well, these are something that have been a constant for our trips to church. We always have the diaper bag stocked with snacks for the children to eat. We also have a backpack that we bring with books, coloring books, crayons, and soft toys like teethers and small stuffed animals for the kids to play with. Since the kids are still young enough to have trouble following along with the mass, it is important to us to keep them occupied and entertained during the 60 minutes.
I try to have books and toys that are centered around Jesus and religion, but I also have things in there that I know will keep my children entertained. Like I mentioned before, our church does not have a cry room, but at the most recent mass we attended this week, our church passed out a worksheet/coloring page for the children to do during mass that had pictures and activities that corresponded with the readings during the mass. My son loved it!
I have found a TON of free printables on Pinterest of coloring pages and activities that are religious. Once I get my printer working again, I intend on printing these and making DIY coloring books for my son to bring to mass. He is definitely in a coloring phase and LOVES to color.
- Try to get them involved and understanding the mass
If my baby or toddler is not occupied with the toys we brought and I am just holding them, I try to whisper what is going on or sing to them to try and help them learn while we are there. My 2 year old has learned to love saying the “Our Father” while holding hands with the people next to him and also shaking hands and saying “peace be with you.” He also loves to put our offering envelope in the basket as it passes.
I feel like these small increments of participation will help him get more and more involved in the mass as he gets older and older. He is almost two and a half and I have noticed him paying attention more and more during the mass as he has gotten older and it is beautiful to see.
- Try not to take them outside for bad behavior
After our oldest turned one and finally learned how to walk, getting him to sit still and stay quiet in mass grew tough. I was pregnant and tired and most of the time my husband would bring him outside if he started being loud or acting up.
However, we began to notice that we would get to mass, he would eat a few snacks, maybe read a book, and then start to act up around the homily. My husband would take him outside and come in again around communion. For a few weeks this was a routine, and we noticed that our son would act up so he would be able to go outside and run around.
We decided to nip this in the butt right away. It took a few weeks of a little more noise from our toddler, but we did everything we could to quiet him down without bringing him outside. We gave him EVERY snack, we put different toys in the bag every week, and we shushed and rocked him inside. Before we knew it, he was realizing he wasn’t able to go outside anymore and started behaving better and better.
Now, we almost NEVER leave the building during mass. A few months ago, we did have an incident with our two year old where I did end up taking him outside. However, he was on timeout outside touching the wall for two minutes like he does on timeout at home. After his timeout, I told him why he was on time out, he said sorry, and we went back inside.
These are my tips from my experience from bringing my children to mass. Like I said, my children are not perfect and they do not behave perfectly every week, but we still go! I hope you found something in here that will help you as you may bring your baby or toddler to mass. Don’t be afraid to try something just to see if it works and if not, you can always tweak it to make it work for you.
With love,
Victoria O’Brien